She never saw it coming. She never thought she would one day be a statistic of one of the biggest issues in South Africa, gender based voilence.
Mankhedi Stephina Masha (39) never expected that the father of her child and then boyfriend would shoot her in her home and leave her for dead before running away and hanging himself.
“It was on the 25th of December in 2014, it was on Christmas day. I work as a traffic officer and I was off that day. My boyfriend at the time asked to borrow my car and I borrowed him the car as he had told me that he was going home to Limpopo. However, he decided to give my car to someone else and when he came back we had an argument about the car and that’s when he shot me nine times. He took my younger sister’s car and said he would drive home to Limpopo to kill our son,” she tells DRUM.
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When the two of them were arguing over her car she broke up with him and that what is what made him really upset. He refused to let her go and fired his gun at her nine times in her flat in front of her younger sister.
“I opened a case against him some years back but nothing came from it. When we were living together, things would get out of hand as he would start hitting me, but things became somewhat better when we started living apart. He also was not taking care of our son and I would tell him these things and that December he didn’t buy our son clothes that’s when he became angry,” she adds.
After shooting her, he drove to Mamelodi. Mankhedi says that when *Ben got to Mamelodi he ran out petrol and he left the car. She suspected he was seeing someone in Mamelodi.
“I later found out that he had hung himself and there was a woman who went to identify his body after he hung himself.”
Mankhedi is now in a wheelchair and says her son, who is now 10, understands what gender based violence is as he sees how it has affected his mother.
“He is not a problematic child, he once told me he understands what gender-based violence is because at his school they were educating them about violence. He understands that men should not be abusive to women.”
She says that she has forgiven the father of her child for what he had done.
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“I have forgiven him because of the support that I have received my family. When I feel down I always write and I have accepted the fact that I am in a wheelchair, that’s what makes me stronger every day.”
She has authored three books since then hoping other women will learn from her lessons.
“If he pushes you next time he will slap you and nothing will ever change. The same day he pushes you leave him, a person who loves you will never physically hurt you. Sometimes if you are in an abusive relationship even if you say no to sex the abuser will force himself on you, a person who loves you will never do that to you.”
She says that a man who loves you will never call you deregulatory names and insult you and that women should be mindful of such things and they should leave relationships like that as soon as that happens.
“Women are being killed even though they have protection orders against their abusers. I want all women to know that when a man says that one day I am going to kill you, he means it and he will do it. Because my then boyfriend once said that one day he is going to kill me because all my relatives depend on me. He said these words because I had refused to give him money. Jealousy and insecurity led him to do what he did.”
Mankhedi says that she also receives inboxes from men who also share their abuse stories with her and it concerns her that there are men who in abusive relationships.
“I wish that 16 Days of Activism would be an everyday of the year thing so that people may know that violence does not solve anything.”
She has not found any new relationship since her ordeal with the father of her child and for now she's focusing on her son.
"Even though I am in a wheelchair, I do not want anybody to feel sorry for me. I just want people to accept me and see me as a person before they see the wheelchair."
