Absa Premiership

Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is ...

2017-12-24 06:04
ON BENDED KNEE: Thamsanqa Gabuza has not scored since September. (Lefty Shivambu, Gallo Images)

Johannesburg - It is that time to be merry and give something to those – players and coaches – who need it the most.

But not everyone gets what they expect. Christmas time is all about having fun, so here is a list of what our teams desperately need.

Orlando Pirates:  Scoring boots and a compass to find the right scoring post. While at it, how about scoring boots for striker Thamsanqa Gabuza?

Cape Town City: After the Cape Town Stadium furore, coach Benni McCarthy deserves to get World Rugby’s calendar for 2018 so he can start preparing for next year’s Sevens Series in Cape Town.

Baroka FC:  An Assupol Life honorary life insurance policy for coach Kgoloko Thobejane following his remark that: “... football can kill you. It will give you a real death. You will die because of football".

Bloemfontein Celtic:  A Colgate smile. Celtic coach Veselin Jelušic would easily win a competition for “the most serious looking person”. The Serb hardly smiles and needs to cheer up a bit.

Bidvest Wits:  A new winning manual. Coach Gavin Hunt must not read from the same book as former Leicester City coach Claudio Ranieri and rather get a manual on how to defend the league title.

Mamelodi Sundowns:  Coach Pitso Mosimane needs Spanish lessons so that he can hold on to his South American players at Chloorkop. Something may have been lost in translation with the departed Leonardo Castro and Ricardo Nascimento.

Kaizer Chiefs:  Better insurance premiums for fans. Amakhosi supporters need to be gifted with hospital and funeral cover as the road ahead promises to be bumpy and rough – meaning more heartaches and stress.

AmaZulu:  A lifetime supply of Viagra to keep ageing striker Siyabonga Nomvethe (40) up and running.

Chippa United:  A permanent Amakhosi encounter. After beating Chiefs a few weeks ago, coach Teboho Moloi was told he had earned a long-term contract. A permanent fixture against Chiefs will secure his future.

Ajax Cape Town:  Protection gear. The appointment of Muhsin Ertugral as head coach means they will need shields and earplugs on the bench to avoid hearing his vile rants on the sideline.

Free State Stars:  Coach Luc Eymael deserves a hefty bonus for taking Stars to an unfamiliar position on the log – number five.

Polokwane City:  Their online team deserves more data to keep those funny tweets rolling, especially with Sundowns, Chiefs and Pirates coming their way in their first three games of the new year.

Platinum Stars:  Roger De Sá needs a reliable lawyer to tell him if the club is for sale or not so that he can figure out his future.

Maritzburg United:  A master’s degree on consistency. After scoring seven goals in two matches, United failed to score in their next two games. Fadlu Davids’ side needs to be consistent in front of goals.

SuperSport United:  Hangover cure pills. Matsatsantsa a Pitori need to wake up from slumberland as they have still not recovered from their loss to TP Mazembe in the CAF Confederation Cup.

We wish you all a merry Christmas!

Read more on:    psl  |  johannesburg  |  soccer


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Saturday, 03 August 2019
Mamelodi Sundowns v SuperSport United, Lucas Moripe Stadium 15:00
Chippa United v Stellenbosch, Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium 15:00
Baroka FC v Cape Town City, Old Peter Mokaba Stadium 15:00
Orlando Pirates v Bloemfontein Celtic, Orlando Stadium 18:00
AmaZulu v Wits, King Zwelithini Stadium 20:15
Sunday, 04 August 2019
Highlands Park v Kaizer Chiefs, Makhulong Stadium 15:00
Golden Arrows v Maritzburg United, Sugar Ray Xulu Stadium 15:00
Black Leopards v Polokwane City, Thohoyandou Stadium 15:00
Tuesday, 06 August 2019
Wits v Baroka FC, Bidvest Stadium 19:30
Previous Results

Date Home Team Result Away Team

After slow starts to their respective 2018/19 Absa Premiership campaigns, who will finish the season ranked higher?

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