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Cape Town - Listen, we get it, your significant other/friends/room mates are OBSESSED with the Soccer World Cup currently taking place in Brazil.
They’re hogging the TV, laptop and even messaging you about it (like you care). It's inescapable.
You want to feel it and participate (or just not look like a poephol) but like what is this game? And how does it work?
To be honest if we had to lay out the whole thing for you we’d all die of boredom so we won’t do that.
Instead we’re going to breakdown 6 things about football that if you take on board will make you look like you know what’s going on.
1) Whichever team scores the most goals: wins. If both teams have the same number of goals in knock-out games there’s like a goal off (called a penalty shoot out). Whoever gets the most balls in the net then, wins. It’s like when you and a friend both take a selfie at the same time, same place. Whoever gets the most likes win and sometimes comments are considered for a tie breaker.
2) The offside rule: This rule is a mess to explain and to be honest a lot of people don’t get it (even some soccer players) so we’ll keep it easy –
If the ref says a player from the team you’re supporting is offside express discontent like this:
If the ref says a player from the opposing team is offside do this:
3) Penalties/yellow cards/red cards are basically the same thing as offside as far as reactions go-
If your team gets the card do this:
If the other team gets the card do this:
Do not; we repeat DO NOT get into a debate about the technicalities of the alleged foul play. If anyone tries to engage you do this:
4) Learning players’ names is just way too hard. So just call them by their number or just scream this out every now and then regardless :
5) We understand that sometimes it’s hard to tell who got a foul/offside/whatever so whenever you even see the ref on screen just do this :
6) To not look bored during the game always remember the sexy 6-packs under those tight team shirts or focus on finding the salsa dancers/hot girls in the crowd (depending on your preference if you have one). It will give you that “I’m totally paying attention look”. Also : say “whoa” every now and then when you see one of the above in practically fine form like :
7) Eat all the snacks. Drink all the drinks. Cheer everything in your team’s favour. Just have a jol man. It’s the world’s biggest party.
For example this is literally us right now :
They’re hogging the TV, laptop and even messaging you about it (like you care). It's inescapable.
You want to feel it and participate (or just not look like a poephol) but like what is this game? And how does it work?
To be honest if we had to lay out the whole thing for you we’d all die of boredom so we won’t do that.
Instead we’re going to breakdown 6 things about football that if you take on board will make you look like you know what’s going on.
1) Whichever team scores the most goals: wins. If both teams have the same number of goals in knock-out games there’s like a goal off (called a penalty shoot out). Whoever gets the most balls in the net then, wins. It’s like when you and a friend both take a selfie at the same time, same place. Whoever gets the most likes win and sometimes comments are considered for a tie breaker.
2) The offside rule: This rule is a mess to explain and to be honest a lot of people don’t get it (even some soccer players) so we’ll keep it easy –
If the ref says a player from the team you’re supporting is offside express discontent like this:
If the ref says a player from the opposing team is offside do this:
3) Penalties/yellow cards/red cards are basically the same thing as offside as far as reactions go-
If your team gets the card do this:
If the other team gets the card do this:
Do not; we repeat DO NOT get into a debate about the technicalities of the alleged foul play. If anyone tries to engage you do this:
4) Learning players’ names is just way too hard. So just call them by their number or just scream this out every now and then regardless :
5) We understand that sometimes it’s hard to tell who got a foul/offside/whatever so whenever you even see the ref on screen just do this :
6) To not look bored during the game always remember the sexy 6-packs under those tight team shirts or focus on finding the salsa dancers/hot girls in the crowd (depending on your preference if you have one). It will give you that “I’m totally paying attention look”. Also : say “whoa” every now and then when you see one of the above in practically fine form like :
7) Eat all the snacks. Drink all the drinks. Cheer everything in your team’s favour. Just have a jol man. It’s the world’s biggest party.
For example this is literally us right now :
