News24

Clyde Rathbone reveals all

2012-02-01 07:51

Cape Town - Former junior Springbok and Wallaby star, Clyde Rathbone, has written an honest and heartfelt piece about his battle with depression.

“Sometimes we have to take risks, be terrified and do it anyway". Julian Smith wrote this, so I decided to contact him, below is what I wrote. Just like I’ve asked Julian, I’m asking you all to send this to somebody you know if you think it might help them.

I’m not really sure where to start, if this appears as unlettered and rambling as I fear please accept my apologies …

I first heard about you whilst listening to Robb Wolfs podcast, from there I found your blog, read every single post, downloaded & read “Flinch” which resonated with me in ways I’m not nearly well enough equipped to articulate so I’m forced to drag out the cliché that it changed my life, but fuck it it did!

I know my story is neither as boring or as interesting as I think it is, I hope you’ll bare with me and read it (there’s an idea at the end, and I know you like those) but if you decide not to I’m fine with that too.

I was born in South Africa 30 years ago I’m the oldest of 4 boys, I had a difficult childhood, I was abused emotionally by someone who should have been looking after me. And it had a huge effect on me. A number of things can happen when you’ve been emotionally abused. Every negative thing I heard about myself, things that were said repeatedly to me became my truth, I started to believe that negative voice until it became ingrained, it affected me in nearly everything that I did and every decision I made. Usually people who are exposed to this abuse have extremely low confidence and low self esteem, In my case that was certainly true but those that knew me in high school may well describe me as arrogant, my defence mechanism was to project an image of myself that most protected me.

I was lucky in a sense because the abuse I suffered was inconsistent and definitely not as bad as many others are exposed to. So I ended up a confused, conflicted & pretty angry child and I know what saved me was that I was always good at sports, I was good at just about any sport I tried and gradually over time I started to challenge some of these negative thoughts that I had by performing well in sport. Ironically I used those negative thoughts as a driving force, as if every time I achieved success it was a reaffirmation to myself that those negative thoughts weren’t true. Every time I trained hard or played well I felt I was winning the battle against those thoughts.

And I did this most of my childhood and adulthood, this unlikely process turned me into a world class athlete, I captained the South African National U21 team to victory in the 2002 Rugby World Cup. Shortly after that I was offered a contract to play for the Brumbies rugby team in Australia. And since I knew my family planned to immigrate to Australia soon I decided to take up the offer. It was not long before I was playing for the Australian National Team, travelling the world and basically living what I thought were my dreams. The thing is I was never happy, I felt guilty that I could not appreciate the life many others could only dream of. By this point I had convinced myself that what I had gone through as a child was not that bad and I basically tried to forget about it. The fact is those issues never left me completely, they would express themselves in many ways. I would be angry or irritable or feel tension and stress and not really know why but for the most part I would say I functioned as well as I could and anyone who met me would think I was completely “normal”. And I maintained that fictitious existence for years.

But this all began to gradually change about 5-6 years ago when I picked up some serious rugby injuries which ultimately forced me to retire @ 27. That was a catalyst for a flood of all those negative thoughts I had pushed to the background, many I had not had for years slowly began coming back and over time I slipped further and further into depression until I was chronically and severely depressed. Though my body was broken I agreed to play some minor level club rugby, I injured myself in a match and needed surgery to insert a titanium plate in my face. I was on a lot of painkillers and I would go days when I would hardly get out of bed. I felt despairingly low all day, I had no motivation or optimism, I began having suicidal thoughts. And I want to say this about depression, I always looked at it as something that happened to “other people”, until I become depressed it never even crossed my mind that it could happen to me. What I’ve learnt over time is that any of us can become depressed given the wrong mix of experiences.

In that state, in the deepest of my depression my marriage began failing, I become short tempered and verbally abusive to my wife, there was never physical abuse but there is no doubt she suffered hugely emotionally. I completely neglected her and her needs. I did not know how to climb out of the hole I felt I was in, I did not even know where to start. Finally in Late 2010 I told my wife what I had gone through as a child, 10 years after our relationship began and 5 years into our marriage she was learning this for the first time.

And while it felt initially better to finally tell someone what happened, in some ways it made things worse because I began to see how much of my life had been affected by what happened to me as a child and it brought a lot of anger and resentment to the surface.

By mid May of last year my wife had had enough, she came to the conclusion that she could not help me. She had tried everything she knew to try and nothing seemed to change. She packed a bag and left to stay with her friend. Going through depression is difficult enough, but since I’ve recovered I’ve begun to realise just how tough it must have been for my wife to observe the person you care about most struggling for as long as I did while nothing my wife tried seemed to work. I think often we forget about the toll that depression takes on the people who are caught trying to help those suffering from it. If there is a hero in this story it’s how my wife has managed to remain as strong as she did for as long as she did.

Carrie leaving devastated me, that’s is both the most difficult and most valuable thing I’ve been through, because it was the first time I felt as though I was going to lose the most important thing in my life. It focussed my mind for the first time in a long time. I was at a crossroads, either I do whatever I must to completely rid myself of depression or it was likely going to cost me my marriage and probably ultimately kill me.

So as Carrie had been bugging me to do for ages I went to see a psychologist, I went to 5 sessions and they were incredibly valuable in helping me focus on the things I have control over and challenging the way I was thinking about things. After I started getting some help the main thing I developed was consistency. I started working out again, dialling in my diet, working and reading like I was starving for knowledge and I began seeing old friends again.

For the last 6 months I’ve been completely free of any sort of depression, I experience the general ups and downs of life and every now and again you get a curve ball thrown your way but at no point have I ever felt as though I’m becoming depressed or that I’m slipping back into old habits. I think of my mind in the same way I think about a broken bone that heals stronger than it was before. I feel indestructible, I rarely flinch and when I do I make sure forge ahead anyway.

Today I will finally share this story with my brothers and parents, that will be both painful and cathartic. On the 10th Feb I’ll be sharing this with a few hundred people at a speaking engagement I’m doing through work (I own a corporate health business: www.healthfutures.com.au) I feel as though by talking about it at least some good can come from a bad experience, that maybe some of the people I talk too are struggling or know someone that is and perhaps hearing my story might help them to take come action.

All of this brings me to my wife. Carrie is far and away the best thing that ever happened to me, she’s the most kind, gentle, generous, smart, funny, beautiful soul. She sees the world differently to most of us. No matter how dark a situation seems her strength of character and spirit see her through. Her strength ultimately wore her down, when I was ill she told nobody, she took every single burden of my depression squarely on her shoulders and she did everything she could. By the time she left she was literally done, I had been emotionally shut down for years and I had worn her down to the point where she had to choose between becoming depressed herself or staying in an abusive situation. She did the right thing in leaving.

Since then I’ve made incredible progress, I don’t recognise myself. I’ll send you a picture taken in Jan 2011 and another taken a little while ago in November. Transforming my mind has allowed me to transform my body. I’ve never in my life felt as capable of anything I decide to do as I feel today. I seek out things that scare me and I attack them. I feel things deeper than I ever have and my mind is always searching for that next morsel that might just change the way I view the world. Julian, I feel lucky to have found your blog, to have learned who Robb Wolf is and to have been exposed to Mark Sisson’s work. I feel enormously enlightened and humbled by the works of Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins. The internet is fucking amazing, I guess I just feel lucky.

And I need your help. I need this story broadcast, I need everyone I know and everyone I don’t to read this. I need that for me but mostly I just need to tell my wife that I love her and that I’m sorry, and that anything she chooses to do for her happiness is the right decision. I need her to know that she should never settle for happier than she’s been in 10 years when what she deserves is happier than she ever imagined you could be.

So what I’m asking is that you post this on your blog, send it to anyone you can, comment on it or don’t. I just need it out there…

Thank you,

Clyde Rathbone



Sport24

Comments
  • Chris - 2012-02-01 08:29

    Hi Clyde let me help you and that's the only way to go. First you take JESUS in to your body and then you forgive every one who did wrong to you in your joung life ,you will see that JESUS will clean your mind and you and your wife will be a happy family again . Also you must always thank JESUS for helping you as his child .We will pray to GOD to help you . Clyde JESUS never left his children out site JESUS want's his children always with HIM . Clyde when you read this contact me and we can pray for you. GOD BLESS YOU FUTHER IN YOUR LIFE AMEN.

      Jimmy - 2012-02-01 09:57

      Chris is right. Jesus makes people realize their value in the eyes of his/her maker. He went so far as to die for us so we could have a new life devoid of depression. I wonder how many rugby players, sport stars and successful businessmen are not driven to succeed because of their poor self-image and self worth.Jesus is the answer for all of us.

      goyougoodthing - 2012-02-01 10:36

      Jesus got cross, eventually.

      goyougoodthing - 2012-02-01 11:08

      He also had a sense of humour, apparently his followers do not. And his name was Joshua not Jesus.

      tyronlouw - 2012-02-01 11:23

      yeah, clearly you didnt read the part about him being "enormously enlightened and humbled by the works of Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins." Youre barking up the wrong tree, mate. If you dont know what I mean, search "Hitchslap" on youtube.

      Ricky - 2012-02-01 15:36

      @ Chris - No offence to your religion but Clyde found himself and his inner peace through the works of Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins. All these three individuals are non-believers and have been known to mock religion and the Bible in particular. If your Jesus gives you strength and happiness that's great and you should cherish that, however not everyone shares the same view. Clearly Clyde's answers lay elsewhere.

      johannes.p.bezuidenhout1 - 2012-02-01 17:54

      I say AMEN to your advice to Clyde. Jesus is the total answer. 1John5 is the directive. Do it and believe it.

      Rowan - 2012-02-02 08:09

      chris...anyone who's life is affected tremendously by Hitchens, Harris and Dawkins will definitely be turning to support other than the bible...of that i can assure u!!!

  • GrootWitHaai - 2012-02-01 08:54

    Yeah right, Jesus is the answer cos everyone that goes to church immediately has all the answers to life. Good story Clyde. Gotta wonder how your life would have turned out if you had stayed in South Africa and played for the Boks.

      Tandas - 2012-02-01 09:26

      Let me tell you how it would have turned out... he never would have played for the boks... check the pics - He is not a kwota...

      Bulldozer - 2012-02-01 09:33

      Tandas, and you want to call ME names?

      Nicholas - 2012-02-01 11:26

      @tandas , bro what a ridiculous statement , like the entire SA team is made up of quotas , like there isnt a single white player in team , the way people are negative about small things baffles me

      Barry - 2012-02-01 11:28

      WE would have carried you on our shoulders and you would have had depression problems, you would have been braaing every weekend. TANDAS forget kwota players for once, you obviously don't know any other words.

      Hugh - 2012-02-03 14:13

      @Tandas, he was being groomed to become Bok Capt under JW. His biggest problem was he got the "Pietersen syndrome" (Slate your country of birth.) I cant get myself to care about this guy. A massive disappointment. He was going to become a national legend, and then left for Aussie. I remember Strauss and De Villiers, playing for Aus and France respectively, getting a rousing cheer when they came on to the field. Unlike Clyde, who got jeered. That only because of his mouth.

      Phil - 2012-02-04 01:44

      @Hugh: Rathbone "slated" no one. His crime was that he told the truth and left SA for what he thought were greener pastures. Good luck to anyone who does that. Small minded , hating , idiots who hurl insults at the man ...deserve to be exactly where they are.

  • Ridwaan - 2012-02-01 09:16

    The chubbier Clyde looks happier... according to the pics :)

      Tandas - 2012-02-01 09:30

      Jip... At that point he should have push through with all the pies and sweets and aimed for the No. 1 jersey. He looks like a universal soldier in the pic to the right... Probabaly going to kill a couple of springboks.

  • Keith - 2012-02-01 09:34

    What an amazing testimony. Just a word of encouragement to Clyde and everyone else who feels betrayed and embarrassed by life. Your embarrasment will workout to your benefit. This I've experienced when my breast tissue developed uncontrollable.Later I Had to find out that this was the result of having a brain tumor on my pituitary gland. I had to endure stares and teasing but after three brain operations and currently busy with a session of radiotion God really destined it for me to change my embarrassment to my benefit. May God bless you.

  • Joe - 2012-02-01 10:04

    Clyde, thanks for the article. I'm glad for you that you worked it out. Hope that you and Carrie, if not working everything out can be friends after this... Keep Well abd the best of luck. . Joe

  • cosmos.ndebele - 2012-02-01 10:31

    Dear Clyde u remember when u left this country for yr new super home in Australia what Media interviews you gave about this imperfect country of ours South Africa? I remember Clyde, if you dont just google all stories about you. I left South Africa way before you & to a much even better country, but never in any day i felt the need to talk down the country of my birth like you did. I certainly dont feel sorry for what you have been through with your depression, you must tell that to your Aussie peers or post it to their blogs not our blogs. I will be accused of being heartless, but remember they ar people who stlll call S.A home & forever they will, if in 2001you should hve thought too about people who work in tourism sector when gave media interviews that S.A is not a place to visit. We dont want to see yr snaps in undies man, Durban has moved on a lot since u left.

      Inky - 2012-02-01 12:51

      I have no idea what Clyde said when he left SA but if it was the truth (i.e. corrupt government, crime out of control, no service delivery, power failures etc) then he has nothing to apologise for. Why should he be held accountable for influencing tourist numbers when the people responsible for the poor state of the country are not.

      Linda - 2012-02-01 13:44

      Hey, speak for yourself Cosmos. This lady wants to see "snaps" of him in his undies - or less....

      Keith - 2012-02-01 14:15

      He who lives in a glass likes to throw the first stone. Just thank God that you don't have to go through the agony of acute depression. Lets rather pray for the young man.

      cosmos.ndebele - 2012-02-01 14:29

      Linda u ar depressed too, u wannaa see undies for this depression patient. It was depressing to hear him attack our country like that during his heydays.

      gavin.simpson.0 - 2012-02-01 17:55

      Cosmos.... it's a lot filthier.... more beggers.... taxi chaos..... it's the butt end of the world where it's impossible to find anywhere due to all the streets being renamed.

      Sean - 2012-02-03 00:21

      Cosmos O'Ndebele - Most things Clyde said about South Africa were true ! I can take you a bet that thousands of people that cursed him for saying what he said that a few years back , will agree 100% with it today !! Clyde did the right thing to move to Australia ! I also always thought , how could people be so stupid to immigrate to Australia , few years down the line , I undertsand 100% , especially if you are white !! This once beautiful country is falling apart quicker than one can think , thanks to the corrupt ANC , bunch of criminals !

      Hugh - 2012-02-03 14:21

      Totally agree with you Cosmos. I made a comment earlier, that Strauss who played for Aussie, and De Villiers played for France, got cheers of welcome when they ran onto the field. Posters stating all is forgiven, please come home. After Clyde's rantings with the "Pietersen syndrome" he was jeered and cursed by the spectators. I'd also be depressed. A future Springbok Captaincy, a world cup title in Green and Gold missing in the cabinet. A sad story indeed.

  • John - 2012-02-01 10:41

    Clyde no attack on your personal situation but sometimes Karma does get you, i think you could have captained the Boks to a world cup victory instead you took the money and unfortunately you carried that guilt with you. You got used by those that had their own agendas, the grass in not always greener on the other side, my advise to you is to come back to the Cape amongst family, you need all the support you can get and best of luck to you, its not too late to follow your true destiny.....

      Kosie - 2012-02-01 13:45

      he can't play for the boks anymore he aready played for aus. so there is no destiny here, and btw he is retired now.

      John - 2012-02-02 08:45

      kosie his true destiny has nothing to do with rugby it was just a stepping stool.....so many of these idiots run when there is a a problem and never get to fulfil their true destiny......You can not run away from God's plan your life ends up in ruins, 80% of South Africans that have moved to Oz and other places end up in divorce now work out the impact on their kids......do you think this was their destiny...?

      Phil - 2012-02-04 01:47

      Karma gets you ? What the hell are you waffling on about? Rathbone would not dream of returning to SA after seeing the small minded half wits perform after he emmigrated.

  • Nick - 2012-02-01 11:47

    Hi Clyde Congratulations to you, i can only applaude the determination that you have shown to get out of the depression. I only hope you are able to meet common ground again with your wife and pray that you guys find each other again. i know that this will mean a lot to you. I trust that you will be able to forgive yourself regardless and will be able to live our life to the full and be a blessing to others that are suffering now as you did. God Bless and all the best of luck Nick

  • Jody - 2012-02-01 12:57

    Good luck Clyde,wishing u well.

  • John - 2012-02-01 13:05

    Enlightening emotional story and whatever personal views people may hold on this, please remember the difficulty of getting over and beating depression - same as getting over and beating cancer -- Clyde, I found your style and attitude when you first settled in Oz rather obnoxious and unneccesary, but I admire the way you have handled this situation -- so I say, WELL DONE AND GOOD LUCK -

  • Chris - 2012-02-01 13:10

    Please guys GOD never gets cross he always outside the door it only us who must open the door so he can come into our body's .Our God IS GREAT and he loves his children and Clyde is one of them he must just open the door boeta.

  • Hannetjie - 2012-02-01 13:22

    Always sad to hear about people suffering from depression. Last year a matric pupil in my daughter's school committed suicide as a result of depression. And the problem is that very few people understand what the sufferer really go through. Although I am not a Clyde Rathbone fan, I wish him the best for a full recovery.

  • Dene-Paul - 2012-02-01 14:10

    That Bulldozer is probably the one of the most insensitive thjings I have read. It has taken great courage for this man to bear his soul and what he doesnt need is someone like you trashing him. You comment sounds like this could very well apply to you especially as stats show that 20% of the populaiton suffer from depression and many high profile sportmen and woman have succumb to this and paid the ultimate price. You need to be a bit more understanding.

      Bulldozer - 2012-02-01 16:19

      Read my comment again.

  • James - 2012-02-01 14:41

    Uuumm, nope, don't think Clyde's going to take the Jesus advice, if you read his story properly you will see he's quite a fan of Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins. Clyde, your story resonates tremendously with me. Kudo's to your amazing progress and I hope you find all the happiness you can!

  • Brett - 2012-02-01 14:45

    Clyde well done on beating depression. Stay in Aus because if you had to come back to this cesspool of a country you would have more reasons to be depressed.

      Nick - 2012-02-01 15:50

      Sounds like you should throw in the towel too Brett. I am a young white male and see a lot of positives in this country. I am funded by the [cesspool] government to study and have had numerous job offers. I have also lived in Aus for a year, trust me, the grass is no greener. There is a lot to be thankful for in SA, for those willing to work for it.

      Bootman - 2012-02-01 16:58

      @Nick.......yours is one of the best comments I've ever read on this forum. A white person who's prepaired to work and fight for what he wants and who doesnt blame the government for everything because it's not the government they want.

      Van - 2012-02-02 00:40

      @Nick: Willing to work your butt off so that you can pay for the rest that don't want to work. No thanks, not this whitey.

      Sean - 2012-02-03 00:32

      @ Nick - Wait till you are married and have kids , then we`ll see ! I still reckon S.A is one of the most beautiful places in the world , but the beauty and freedom is being taken away by the corrupt ANC government !! Speak to me in few years time when you older !

  • Frank - 2012-02-01 15:08

    I wondered what had happened to him, nice to know he is back in the land of the living. Hopefully things will work out for him and his wife.Brave man, i take my hat off to him.Springboks could have made good use out of him without any abuse.

  • Frank - 2012-02-01 15:11

    Cosmos you are an ass

  • paulmandlankosi - 2012-02-01 15:17

    Please do not come and play for the Stormers, you will be more deppressed, lol.

  • Steven - 2012-02-01 15:33

    Dear Clyde, you have shown how much gutts you really have but telling your story! What you have said has inspired me.... This story shows how tough you really are and that no matter what happens from here on out you know that you can cope. I really hope that your wife comes back to you and that you guys will be happy!!!! Thank you for this post it has helped me more than you can ever know. I will try and channel my negitive energy into something positive. I have just enterd my first ultra marathon. Good luck for the future. You should think about coaching as your positve outlook will help young players cope with the hard life that playing pro sports can be.

  • andrew.taiwan - 2012-02-01 15:33

    Hi Clyde, being a South African- staying abroad with my second wife- I can relate to your life. I was previously married- to an abused girl- for eleven years. I knew she had trouble and I thought I could "help" her- but it just got worse. The harder I've tried the more confused I became. After our two beautiful sons were born she even attempted suicide. Eventually,with all our money spend on trying helping her and her leaving me and the boys a couple of times looking for better options,I also thought that a great solution might be to "have an accident" so that she could have enough money to be "happy". Bless God, I didn't do it and got married to an amazing woman [ and still going strong after fifteen years] I've blamed myself a lot for not succeeding in my first marriage but I've realized it was for the best of both of us. God Bless.

  • Deon - 2012-02-01 16:12

    Although I sympathise with anyone caught in a depressive circle - you can't ignor the karma angle to this - the anti SA front page interviews he gave were absolutely disgusting. I come from the same town and school and know the family well and too many times did I listen to what clowns we are to choose to stay here etc etc etc. Karma, Clyde, karma.

  • tony.calitz - 2012-02-01 17:52

    Wow, I am truly shocked. This must have taken one helluva lot of courage - to speak so openly about such a private, personal matter. I was always a Clyde Rathbone fan & felt sorry for him when the SA fans turned on him at times when he played for the Brumbies & Oz in SA. I met the young man when the Brumbies were touring in SA a few years ago & made a point of telling him that most TRUE rugger fans still supported him as he was an extremely talented young player. Glad I had that opportunity & have a great photo of the occasion. I wish Clyde every success in his fight to overcome what I know can be a terribly debilitating problem.

  • Barbara - 2012-02-01 21:03

    Clyde you are a real man to reveal your weakness and faults not so like many others out there! I wish you true peace and happiness

  • Michael Hambidge - 2012-02-01 21:22

    Respect. This is incredible

  • johan.fortuin1 - 2012-02-02 08:57

    Hi Clyde,Everyone I am what God wants me to be.To rely 100% on Him.His promise to all of us:He will never allow problems to cross our path.If it does,He will also provide the solution.He is proud of you and all the angels is busy dancing and having a huge party to celebrate your victory.His Love and Grace is enough for u.Strongs,Johan Fortuin[Cape Town,SA]

  • The-third - 2012-02-02 10:03

    Good on you mate. Sorted yourself out and that's what counts.

  • Alexander - 2012-02-02 10:16

    Rathbone is inspired by Dawkins, author of "The God Delusion"; alpha-atheist and staunch opponent of the ignorance of Christianity. Shows how much you unenlightened Jesus-freaks know.

      goyougoodthing - 2012-02-02 10:21

      John 1.72.1: And Jesus loves the Bulls and the Crusaders, but not the Sharks. He loves the All Blacks more than anyone though, but he is not biased.

  • ShauneJordaan - 2012-02-02 10:16

    I played with Clyde back in 1998/99 on the south coast and at natal finals. Great guy and always to himself. South Coast chaps forever...brave letter and Good luck Clyde you are a legend.

  • Monte - 2012-02-02 10:32

    Sad, yeah just read Clydes letter and respond or not, but in typical human nature we'll find something in someones comment to turn someones heart "story" good or bad to something in the background and rather use the platform to have a cheap go at each other... How sad

  • anita.kroon - 2012-02-02 12:05

    I think Carrie is amazing - so is my husband.

  • Jason - 2012-02-02 12:14

    Clyde, at least you have the balls to put your life and experiences out there, I think that takes a lot of guts. And it will certainly help other people. But you are one of the lucky ones - you have a supportive wife and you were able to get help & now seem much happier. Spare a thought for those who still struggle every day with the same demons and worse and never had the chance to experience the highs you were fortunate enough to have. Those that have no support structure and yet still get up every morning and battle through a day even though it feels like it's killing them. They may not have played international rugby but they are still heroes just for putting food on the table and not killing themselves when that would be an oh so easy option.

  • Gideon - 2012-02-02 13:51

    Awesome Clyde! Three things: 1. Read John Kirwin's "All Blacks don't cry" (his journey with depression), 2. Go to one of the two Tony Robbins Seminars in Oz this year (your life will be changed), and 3. Where do I get a torso like yours? Doubt that Dawkins could help me.

  • Alexander - 2012-02-02 19:51

    What a legend, this is why sportsmen are heroes. They show us what we can do. Well done Mr Rathbone.

  • Claud - 2012-02-02 21:08

    Bull scam and money making goes a long way,,,and photo shop.

  • Zion - 2012-02-03 07:53

    These comments are really sick. The guy despite being an ex-South African has a problem and he is being mocked on this forum by persons who do not have an inkling as to the hell he is/was going through. Why was that judgemental mentality not applied when our SA rugby heroes come unstuck like Bees inter-alia .Is this nation really so blind and xenophobic to attack simply because there is a target that cannot retaliate. Is it heroic and Christian-like to throw god at someone who is going through hell. 13 years ago I was in the same boat as Clyde and had God or jesus been thrown at me I would have thrown it right back again. Had Clyde been of another nationality I will bet my bottom dollar the comments would be very different indeed.

  • Eugene - 2012-02-03 10:55

    Having read some of these stupid comments I am not surprised that people want to leave this once wonderful country. Clyde's depression wasn't as a result of his leaving, it was because of the abuse he suffered as a child. He left SA because he saw a better future for himself. Who in their right mind can blame anyone for doing that? Also he is obviously a family orientated person and wanted to be with his familiy who were leaving SA. Again, who can blame him for that? After all Family is the most important thing. Well done to you Clyde and best wishes to you and your wife. I hope that she is brave enough to give you another chance. If you do read these comments, please take them from whence they come and go forward.

  • pete.rudder - 2012-02-03 13:07

    Now that you are well again, I think that you should go your hardest to get Carrie back.

  • Heleen Page - 2012-02-03 13:20

    Clyde, thank you so much for sharing your story. I have posted the link on my son's facebook page (Emile Page = Break the Silence!). He has committed suicide in September 2009. So many people suffer from depression, yet somehow it remains a disease that people do not talk about. I pray that by telling your story, as a person that achieved so much in life, it will help others to seek help.

  • Vic - 2012-02-03 15:44

    Good on u Clyde-very brave of u to come out & explain all the pain & suffering u've been through.Strength to u going forward & very best wishes (not luck, which is a rather over-used word-we all make our own "luck") to you & Carrie.I do hope she's still your wife,that she continues to be,going forward & that u're really able to "get things right" between the two of you,esp as she is,from what u've said, an amazing lady!The things u said about SA,after u moved on are water under the bridge,even tho' I too was rather pissed off,at the time.It is ABSOLUTELY ridiculous to read some of the awful comments made by others here,which shows complete heartlessness & plain ignorance of life itself.Ignore them if you can & treat them with the contempt they deserve!Also,plse bear in mind,ALL the ills of this world have been created by religion,esp some "Christians" & now they want to try & foist their personal belief systems on to Clyde as well.If it makes them content & happy to believe all the writings & teachings of the Bible, Koran etc etc (of course all written by mere mortal men/women(possibly) & from things supposed to have been said by so & so & then passed on to so & so & then eventually written down,well fine & good for them,but not good for others such as me (&probably Clyde).Read "God Is Not Great" by Christopher Hitchens-will help you realise how much crap has come from religion--lies,untruths,illusions by so many.!!Hats off to Clyde, with help from Hitchens,Dawkins & Harris!

      Phil - 2012-02-04 01:50

      What exactly were you "pissed off" about Vic ? Did he lie ?...or are you one of these people who think no one has a right to speak the truth?

  • Kirsten - 2012-02-06 16:45

    Hey Clyde. As I have also suffered from depression over the last few years and gone through something very similar to you and Ca, the thing that got me through, besides my faith, love and trust in God, was knowing you're not alone. Im so sorry that you guys were going through this alone. And like you said, share your comments, share your experience and hopefully you can help change someones life. Let me know when you are in SA again, we'll hook up for a chat. love to you guys....

  • Carol - 2012-02-15 07:35

    Come guys! Let's not make this about ourselves and all of our own religious beliefs!!! Stop being so self-absorbed and judgemental, it is rather childich. Yes we all have beliefs, but let's not use this forum to lose focus on the actual story guys!!! Focus on Clyde here - he went through a tough time and he has bounced back and that is a great story. Well played Clyde - hey I used to despise your ass when you played for Aus and now i think u r kind of cool putting your sad ass stort out there - so well played Bru and come back to SA and have a Castle on us! I hope Carrie takes u back and the story has a happy and soppy ending. I too can relate to what you have written and run a similar road to you and had my own tough time and also chose not to do the suicide thing, so Bud - hang in there and get back on the rugger field! Chris

  • Olivia - 2012-03-24 22:24

    I myself grew up in a very abusive household, and being both physically and emotionally abused for so many years, I can relate to your story 100%! Sport has been my saving grace yet I still seek approval through achievements without realizing it. I take my hat off to you for sharing this difficult time in your life. My story, I too have shared on faithandsweat.co.za

  • Fanus Jansen Van Vuuren - 2015-02-07 11:49

    You have a new fan Sir. Respect.

  • Floris Slabber - 2015-02-28 14:06

    I wish you all the best Clyde. Don't give up!

  • Wilma Renney Botts - 2015-03-21 21:21

    Good Luck Clyde as we know it Mental illness is no easy problem to just over come some days you will feel better than others just keep on with your treatment so you won't have to carry that burden alone GO WELL

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