What to do about Pommie!

2014-02-10 14:20
Pommie Mbangwa (Gallo Images)

[Too much of a good thing]

Pommie seems like a really good guy... genuine, sincere and likeable. I'm sure that he really does have all these attributes. So what's the problem?

The problem is that cricket viewers are now labouring under a 'Pommie Overload'. He commentates, he conducts after match presentations, he interviews the players as they leave the ground, he hosts 'Inside Edge', he lurks and chirps from the boundary during T20 matches, and he 'facilitates' all pre match, lunch break, tea break and post match discussions. This is a lot of Pommie to handle - especially if you are an avid watcher of cricket on Super Sport.  It's just as well that Pommie can't speak Afrikaans - otherwise he'd be doing Fanie's job on BVP.

Yet - and here's the great irony - Pommie would be bearable in all of the above roles if only he wouldask short andopen-ended questions... and then shut up! But this he seemingly cannot do. He suffers from a rare (but extreme) form of motor-mouth disease and thereby dominates the cricket airwaves. Here follows an almost word perfect example of Pommie at work...

"The question is HD - and I'd like to start with you Kepler, although I want to hear what you think Jakkers, the essential point is - and viewers should feel free to phone and also to SMS and tweet their own views, because this is one of those topics where you may not completely agree with me - the point is, and you may wonder why I'm asking, but we should bear in mind that this won't be the first time that this has happened or is likely to happen again during a tour of this and that; and I want to turn to you HD (and thanks for coming in by the way - and Robin and Kepler too, and the listeners for being out there), but just as we might ask what the selectors should do, I would want to take their batting into account, remembering that this team is not the first to play an ODI over 5 days, some of the guys would have played after that happened, so am I right in thinking Kepler that the side that gets the most runs is likely to win? And I ask this not because the first SMS means you out there are eligible to win a 'Walka', which is one of these and looks like this. This one is actually mine, but I brought it in because there is something or other about something else, and some other things as well, and so because of that, and some further things, including this and that and so on and so forth, we will most likely continue - and I would like your answer on this Jakkers - if something or other happens, at which point this and that and the other will come into play, and the team will be able to do something or other which will then result in something new happening which will in turn lead to something else and if the DRS is judged by the other DRS to have been working by the on field umpires, along with several other things, and Billy too, and this and that as well, then we will of course - and hear I turn to you again HD - then we will of course be well placed to tell the viewers that I don't in fact have a clue as to what I'm on about".

I would like to call upon HD, Jakkers & Kepler to catch a severe bout of the dreaded 'church-giggles' every time they are subjected to the above.

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