Publications
Partners
Urban Dictionary, that repository of the classiest contemporary phrasing and terminology, defines “smack talk” as “the art of telling another person off, belittling them or calling their momma fat while in the heat of competition”.
Although the Proteas might not have gone quite that far in the run-up to the test series under way in India, they certainly had a few digs at the Indian team by hamming up South Africa’s status as the undisputed top-ranked team. This in an effort to reveal fault lines in the opposition’s psyche.
But it seems it didn’t work. In the first test, South Africa barely scraped together 400 runs for their 20 wickets; in the second, rain kept their chances of not losing the four-match series alive, if only just.
So what went wrong? We’ve heard all sorts of plaintive cries from South African commentators about “subcontinental pitches” and tough conditions. Granted, the impact of these factors can’t be denied, but maybe it’s simply that the Proteas didn’t make enough of a dent in the Indians’ egos. Having chirpy Australian legend Michael Hussey as a consultant batting coach might have compelled some of the players to loosen their tongues, but they have a long way to go to reach the Aussies’ lofty repertoire of smack talk.
A case in point is Mitchell Johnson, the dreaded quick who retired this week at 34 after a lacklustre year with the ball. Many Proteas batsmen will recall, some more fondly than others, choking on Big Johnson, most memorably when Australia toured South Africa early last year.
The International Cricket Council later named him test player of the year, so his bowling prowess is beyond reproach. But Mitch had more in his arsenal than just pace and reverse swing.
Johnson became as well known for his barbed ripostes as any of the infamous Aussies. It’s a quick-witted culture endemic to Australia, not just in its cricketing culture. You see, cricket matches are often won before the toss takes place. One can almost gauge the outcome of a match from what’s said during prematch interviews or from sneaky quotes gathered by reporters during practice sessions. If you can convince your opponent they have a bogey, half the work is already done.
But the Proteas are in uncharted territory on this count. To use local lingo, the Proteas are nice ous. They don’t vloek the opposition, they just mos moer them. The irony of it all is that South Africa snatched the T20 and ODI series in India convincingly, which they weren’t expected to. But they’re struggling to put together decent partnerships in the tests, which everyone expected them to run away with. If anything, they’re probably convinced the bogey is on them.
If the Proteas are to salvage anything from the two remaining tests, the players need to keep cool heads, which might be difficult if they’re racking their brains for a well-timed sledge instead of a solid shot through the covers. It simply doesn’t come naturally to them; they’re too wholesome, it seems, for the brutal world of sledging.
It certainly remains an area of their game that needs work, but they should perhaps think about working on it if they intend making a serious challenge for the series.
Or they could adopt the Australian approach, which might be to say something along the lines of: “Work? I worked on yo momma last night.”
@Longbottom_69 is an armchair cricket critic. He likes to think he sledges everyone indiscriminately
