Did they really say that?

2011-03-25 07:30
Good ol' Trevor Quirk. (File)

Cape Town - A collection of commentary bloopers and quotable quotes from our favourite cricketing mic-men.

Yorkshire 232 all out, Hutton ill - I'm sorry, Hutton 111.
                  - John Snagge, BBC News

Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end.
                  - Brian Johnston, BBC Radio

Welcome to Worcester where you've just missed seeing Barry Richards hitting one of Basil D'Oliveira's balls clean out of the
                  - Brian Johnston, BBC Radio

He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time.
                  - Richie Benaud, Channel 9

If you go in with two fast bowlers and one breaks down, you're left two short.
                  - Bob Massie, ABC Radio

This game will be over any time from now.
                  - Alan McGilvray, ABC Radio

It is important for Pakistan to take wickets if they are going to make big inroads into this Australian batting line-up.
                  - Max Walker, Channel 9

Glenn McGrath joins Craig McDermott and Paul Reiffel in a three-ponged prace attack.
                  - Tim Gavel, ABC News

In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one.
                  - Tony Greig, Channel 9

It's been very slow and dull day, but it hasn't been boring. It's been a good, entertaining day's cricket.
                  - Tony Benneworth, ABC Radio

It was close for Zaheer, Lawson threw his hands in the air and Marsh threw his head in the air.
                  - Jack Potter, 3UZ

Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle.
                  - Richie Benaud, Channel 9

Chappell just stood on his feet and smashed it to the boundary.
                  - Jim Maxwell, ABC Radio

On the first day, Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off.
                  - Trevor Bailey, Radio 3

He didn't quite manage to get his leg over.
                  - Jonathan Agnew, after Botham had spun around off balance and tried to step over the
                     wicket unsuccessfully, BBC

Q: Do you feel that the selectors and you yourself have been vindicated by the result?
A: I don't think the press are vindictive. They can write what they want.
                  - Mike Gatting, ITV

I think we are all slightly down in the dumps after another loss. We may be in the wrong sign...Venus may be in the wrong
juxtaposition with somewhere else.
                  - Ted Dexter, explaining away England's seventh successive Test loss, to Australia at
                     Lord's, 1993

There was a slight interruption there for athletics.
                  - Richie Benaud, referring to a streaker at
                     Lord's, BBC TV

The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey.
                  - Brian Johnston, BBC

I was on 99...I got really scared. I pooped my pants, missed the next ball and was bowled.
                  - Brad Hodges, Victorian batsman, on his dismissal in a Melbourne under-12 cricket final.

Say, when do they begin?
                  - Grouch Marx, watching a cricket match at Lord's

It's funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan, it's when you realise that your wife left you in May.
                  - Denis Norden, British television writer and compere

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
                  - Robin Williams, American actor

Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns cricket match into gang warfare.
                  - Mike Brearley, 1980

Cricket is like sex films. They relieve frustration and tension.
                  - Linda Lovelace, star of Deep Throat

Is there any sex in it?
                  - Peter Sellers, as a psychiatrist upon first learning about cricket in What's New
, 1965

Cricket needs brightening up a bit. My solution is to let the players drink at the beginning of the game, not after. It always
works in our picnic matches.
                  - Paul Hogan, Australian actor

There is a widely held and quite erroneous belief that cricket is just another game.
                  - HRH the Duke of Edinburgh

The sight of Bright holds no fright for Wright.
                  - Jim Maxwell

...and the riposte: That's right!
                  - Norm O'Neil

And Jajeda is dijappointed...Jadeja is ji..da..I'll come again, Jajeda..okay Jadeja looks downcast.
                  - Tony Grieg on Channel 9.

I don't know what these fellows are doing, but whatever they are doing, they sure are doing it well.
                  - Pete Sampras on watching Lara and Ambrose at Lord's.

Q: Darryl, who are your favourite actors?
Cullinan: Dustin Hoffman and some Aussie bowlers in the act of

"Alan Kourie looks calm, but inside his chest beats a heart"  -
                 - Trevor Quirk during a tense B&H game.

"And there`s the George Headly Stand, named after George Headly"
                 - Trevor Quirk during the Test between WI and SA at Bridgetown.

"There are 25000 people here today and they are all here to watch the cricket"
                 - Loius Karpus during the World Cup.

"Omar Henry hit one or two boundries in his seven."
                 -  Nic  Collis during a Currie Cup match.

"There's Anil Kumble. We`re looking forward to  seeing  him  bat, he`s a very usefull bowler."
                 - Martin Locke during the first test, SA vs IND.

"A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand - can't be more than 30"
                 - Michael Abrahamson during Ind vs Combined Bowl XI

"14 overs left, that's 7 from each end"
                 -  Robin  Jackman  during Sri Lanka vs SA

"We cross over now to the Waca, for the  match  between  Pakistan and Australia, where Richie Benaud is our commentator, so without
further ado, it`s over to the Waca, where Australia played Pakistan, our Man Richie Benaud is waiting at the Waca, and it's Australia versus Pakistan so over to Richie"
                 - Louis Karpus announcing a match at hmm...where was it again?

Cricket as explained to a foreigner...

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

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